It sounds pretty simple. You do good things for others and as a result get to feel good yourself. Everyone is a winner. End of column.

Well, not so fast. Let’s test this hypothesis with a bit of Australian Bureau of Statistics census data.

The census records four things that we do for other people without receiving payment for our efforts:

• Unpaid assistance to a person with a disability, health condition, or due to old age
• Unpaid childcare (either for your own or other children)
• Voluntary work for an organisation or group
• Unpaid domestic work (measured in hours per week).

The latest census also asked about chronic health conditions. We can use the absence or presence of people claiming to have a chronic mental health condition as a proxy to see whether or not the four things we do for other people makes us happy. The methodology is far from perfect but good enough for a quick analysis.

When you act as an unpaid carer for a person with a disability, health condition, or old age, your mental health appears to suffer.

Unpaid carers in their 20s are roughly twice as likely as non-carers to experience poor mental health. This makes perfect sense considering that this care comes at the cost of other activities (work, dating, sports, time outdoors, leisure). Financial pressures might be associated with providing care, too.

This chart alone gives us a sense of how important respite is. Just a weekend away can help to soften the relentless nature of providing unpaid assistance. Carers need to plan regular time off to avoid burn out.

In older age, roughly from 80 onwards, people who provide unpaid care record better mental health than those who don’t care for others. The reason for that might be sadder than you like. In old age you tend to provide care to your partner and the non-carers have often already lost their partner. Being widowed isn’t great for your mental health.

The most common way of doing good things for others is being a parent. Mums and dads will be quick to tell you that their kids drive them mad, but they are in fact great for your mental health.

Compare the “did NOT provide childcare” line with the “Did provide childcare for own children” line. Sure, young parents in their teens and early 20s record poorer mental health outcomes than non-parents.

Parents caring for their own children receive a mental health boost from around age 30 compared to non-parents. Having kids seems worth it based on this chart.

Your mental health takes a hit when you care for kids that are not your own. The reason for this is that foster children and kinship care arrangements tend to go hand-in-hand with severe family issues leading to behavioural challenges.

The more difficult the circumstances are under which you provide childcare, the more your mental health takes a hit. I hinted in a previous column about foster care and the need for decent respite arrangements for foster carers. Dear carers, please also take care of yourself. Dear governments, please fund respite care generously since losing carers due to burn out will be much more expensive.

Once you reach retirement age, you better find an organisation to volunteer at. It’s marvellous for your mental health. It fills your day with something useful, you are among people, and you engage your mind and body.

The surprising twist here is that volunteers in their 20s and 30s report worse mental health outcomes than non-volunteers. I have two theories for why that might be the case. Firstly, you volunteer in your 20s and 30s because you want to find yourself. If you are unsure about your place in the world, if your whole identity is in flux, volunteering might be an attempt to find yourself.

By this logic, volunteering attracts people who are ailed by something.

The second theory is related. You volunteer for a cause because you want to fix something that is severely wrong in this world. This could be climate change, homelessness, or some social injustice. When you are surrounding yourself with depressing realities, this might just rub off on your mental health.

One nice thing that we do for others, and for ourselves, is unpaid domestic chores. Census data asks for the weekly hours spent on doing the dishes, cutting the grass, and any other household task combined. We will compare the two extreme scenarios of doing no domestic chores or doing more than 30 hours per week.

You guessed correctly. Doing things around the house is bad for you. Stop looking after your home. Outsource as much as possible, minimise your belongings, downsize, do whatever it takes to have fewer domestic chores on your plate. This will result in improved mental health. At least it will help until your older years.

When you are aged over 60, people who spend a lot of time on domestic chores are happier than the no-chores crowd. The busy bees have something to do and are clearly still physically able to do domestic chores. The idle folks likely are held back in some way from doing even a little bit of housework.

There you have it. Doing things for others is good as long as you avoid doing the dishes. In all seriousness, the need to look after yourself as a carer, parent, and even volunteer is crucial.

Demographer Simon Kuestenmacher is a co-founder of The Demographics Group. His columns, media commentary and public speaking focus on current socio-demographic trends and how these impact Australia. His podcast, Demographics Decoded, explores the world through the demographic lens. Follow Simon on Twitter (X), Facebook, LinkedIn for daily data insights in short format.