Better out than in, right? Otherwise, you might explode!

Such is the tyranny of breaking wind. Cutting the cheese. Letting one rip.

Farting is a bodily function so disruptive and mortifying, it can serve as a profound and even feared milestone in a new relationship.

It’s finally happened. I guess we got through it together.  

For some couples newly in love, it’s just one more thing to giggle about.

Wow. I didn’t know you were so musical.

Apart from queries about dead rats and ‘can you please go outside and shake yourself’ … there are some good questions about flatulence – questions important enough for our government health websites – see here and here – to try and answer.

While some advice is standard – just about the same wherever you look for information – there’s one question that has no fixed answer.

How many farts a day is normal?

According to the federal government: “Most people pass wind between 7 and 12 times a day.”

While the Cleveland Clinic advises: “Truth be told, passing gas happens a lot more than you think … It’s normal to fart between 14 and 23 times throughout your day, often without attracting much notice.”

The Canadian Society for Intestinal Reserarch says: “A healthy individual emits flatus about 12-25 times per day.”

Healthline (which has published numerous articles about farting) says:

“The average person farts about 15 times per day, though some people pass gas much more or less frequently. You may be unaware of much of this activity because you’re asleep or the gas release is so minor.

“Passing gas more than 25 times per day may mean you have excessive flatulence.”

What does this tell us? No one is out there accurately counting farts. Which is a relief.

And if you fart a lot, move to Canada and you won’t feel such a weirdo.

Where do farts come from

Every day, from half a litre to two litres of gas builds up in our intestines. A cocktail of gases actually.

Most of these gases are swallowed when we eat and drink, and these – oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide – don’t smell. But they can make a loud sound.

Most farting occurs in bed. Perhaps try to hold off until your partner is sleeping. Photo: Getty

The more trouble-making gases – hydrogen and methane – are by-products of food fermenting and breaking-down in the large intestine.

This is the work of bacteria that feeds on fibre and keeps the bowel healthy.

Certain foods (such as broccoli) produce sulphur-containing compounds that produce smelly farts. However, don’t panic: less than one per cent of the gas we produce is stinky.

On the other hand, the human nose can detect hydrogen sulphide in concentrations as low as one-half part per billion, so passing even a very small amount of this gas won’t go unnoticed.

Finally, and you might find this comforting, or not: most of our farting occurs when we’re sleeping.

Advice for walking bum trumpets

There are a number of things you can do to reduce the amount of gas you’re swallowing.

Firstly, give up smoking. With each puff you take, you’re swallowing gas, some of it carcinogenic.

Also, if you wear dentures, check that they’re fitting properly. If not, they’re causing you to fill up on gas.

People who eat and drink at a fast pace, or eat too much, swallow more gas. Taking time to chew means you’re breathing through your nose. So slow down.

Chewing gum also causes you to swallow gas, and common advice is to avoid chewing gum (or all-day suckers).

Certainly, sugary gum you should ditch, because it’s bad for your teeth.

However, sugar-free gum promotes the mineralisation of tooth enamel, and neutralises the acids in plaque which feed bacteria that cause tooth decay.

My advice is not to ditch sugar-free gum entirely, but to limit your chewing to 20 minutes (after a meal) the amount of time required to do its tooth-saving work.

Advice for walking stink bombs

If you’ve started farting more often, and those farts are smellier than your usual vintage, take a look at your diet. Not everyone gets affected by foods the same way. Here are some potential triggers:

• Carbonated beverages such as beer and soft drinks can set you off. The reason is obvious: you’re swallowing bubbles of gas. But the sugars in these drinks can also make you fart when they’re fermented in the lower bowel by bacteria.
• Likewise, dairy products containing lactose (a sugar), and fruits containing fructose (a sugar).
• Sorbitol, a sugar substitute, is also a laxative.
• Beans and lentils.
• Vegetables such as cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, bok choy and Brussels sprouts.
• Seeds and husks (bran).

While the consumption of soft drinks, beer and sugar sweeteners is best limited for the sake of your health, fart-friendly foods (high fibre) pose a paradox. These are precisely the foods we need to eat more of, but many of us tend to neglect.

The trick is to start a high fibre diet slowly, and allow the body to get used to it.

When to see a doctor

When you’re farting more than 25 times a day, and you’re bloated and in pain and smelling like a burst gas pipe, it’s time to see your doctor.

A change in toilet habits, such as persistent diarrhea or constipation, are also signals that it’s time to seek professional advice.

Excessive flatulence can be a sign of a food intolerance, or something more serious such as celiac disease, irritable bowel disease, colon cancer or intestinal obstruction.