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The Ferguson Report: Liberals say ‘no’ to Voice. Australia says ‘Gosh, really?’

The Albanese government has released its blueprint to address Indigenous inequity.

The Albanese government has released its blueprint to address Indigenous inequity. Photo: AAP

The Coalition will say “NO!” to the proposed Indigenous Voice to Parliament, out of habit.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese refused to comment until Peter Dutton gives him more details.

Supporters of the proposal are hoping for a conscience vote. Others are pushing for a vote of no conscience.

Australian voters will soon get a pamphlet setting out the cases for and against. A seven-year-old is impressed by the pamphlet. “Love the new tech! It’s like a paper app.”

Reasons For Voting YES:

“It will give Sky News something legitimate to complain about.”

“It will force future Australian governments to invent clever new ways of doing nothing.”

Reasons for voting NO:

“It will be a radical change.” (Much like the radical change that occurred shortly after the arrival of Captain Cook.)

“It will divide the nation.” (For example, into six states and two territories. Or Queensland versus everyone.)

Whatever happens, taxpayers will foot the bill. Everyone will receive a Voice invoice.

VEGANS PRAISE STARVING CHILD IN AFRICA FOR NON-EGG/MEAT/DAIRY DIET

More middle-class, full fridge, “organic-is-somehow-worth-it” Australians are adopting the vegan diet so they have something to brag about.

‘Megan Egan’ (who wants you to know she’s a vegan) said, “Point me at a bowl of gruel and I can’t help myself!”

A 2010-19 survey found meat-free bacon was the saltiest category of plant-based foods. Photo: Getty

A vegan used his last ounce of strength to write a penpal letter to a starving boy in Africa.

“I said, ‘I don’t eat cheese, eggs, yoghurt, milk, beef, bacon, pork, lamb or honey. What don’t you eat?’

“No response yet,” said the vegan. “He must be writing a very long list.”

THE BANKS ARE LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO CRYPTO

As medium-sized United States banks are panicking, investors are looking at cryptocurrency as if it’s real.

A creepy creature from the crypto said: “Cryptocurrency is stable due to the high number of suckers born per minute, thanks to America’s ‘One Sucker Policy’.”

A Cheshire cat said: “More buyers are finding crypto simply by following people on the street who’ve lost their shirt.”

The currency of the non-currencies is crashing due to currencies that are not currencies claiming to be currencies, currently.

Crypto brokers are confident cryptocurrency is as safe as crypto houses.

A crypto banker will explain how cryptocurrencies work: “As soon as I finish watching the explanatory video in 2035.”

While crypto doesn’t grow on trees, there are branches everywhere.

In other news …

TRUMP TRIAL TURNS INTO A NEWT

VANUATU HOPES TO SUE GLOBAL WARMERS BEFORE ITS LAWYERS DROWN

NRA DEMANDS EARLY FIREARMS TRAINING, IDEALLY AFTER NAP TIME WHEN THEY’RE FRESH

BRANSON’S FAILED SATELLITE DIVISION TO BE REBRANDED AS ‘VIRGIN SPACE JUNK’

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