Suppose they held a Boxing Day Test and nobody came?
West Indies skipper Jason Holder has a mountain of work to do. Photo: Getty
It’s like a scene from some hellish dystopian fiction – an empty MCG on Boxing Day.
But that could be what we’re looking at given how insipid this touring West Indies party is.
Their crushing innings-and-212-run defeat in Hobart just confirms what many judges knew before they landed – this team has no business playing Test cricket.
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Only 15,343 fans turned up to see the two-and-a-half days of destruction at Bellerive
This once-proud cricketing union were all out for just 148 in their second dig, marking their second-heaviest defeat in Australia.
You have to go all the way back to 1931 to find a worse loss.
Add to that the fact their fastest bowler, Shannon Gabriel, is headed home with a foot injury and you have a team that is starting to resemble a grade side.
West Indies skipper Jason Holder has a mountain of work to do. Photo: Getty
Most good judges expected this series to be an annihilation, but the nature of the thumping they took may have sapped what precious little confidence the Windies had.
Darren Bravo (108 in the first innings) and Kraigg Brathwaite (94 in the second) played lone hands, and but for their contributions Australia could have bettered their biggest ever victory (by an innings and 360 against South Africa in 2002).
Now the tourists head to Geelong for a match against a Victorian XI before fronting up at the MCG for the second Test.
Watching the cricket on Boxing Day is usually as good as unwrapping your presents 24 hours earlier.
But this year, there will be no presents to be found at the MCG – just a few Australians building their batting averages and trimming their bowling ones.
Please Santa (James Sutherland), we’ve got to do better than this.
The all-time record crowd for day one of the Boxing Day Test was 91,112 two years ago against England.
Last year, against India, 69,993 made it through the turnstiles.
This year could be a disaster.
On December 20, the MCG will play host to its first Big Bash League game of the summer when the Melbourne Stars welcome the Sydney Thunder.
Six days later, Australia takes on the West Indies in what has always been the marquee fixture of our summer.
Keep an eye on the crowd figures for the Big Bash, then contrast them with day one of the Test.
Last year, the first Bash game at the ‘G pulled just 18,284.
This year, it could be a close run thing between the Stars-Thunder clash and day one of the Test.
Because, as well as the new Playstation or X-Box, kids will want their parents to take them to a game of cricket this festive season.
And you better believe most of them want one where the players aren’t in white.