Odds on: who will win ‘The Block Glasshouse’?
This weekend, the Nine Network will resume its one-media-giant mission to flip Melbourne’s real estate market as The Block Glasshouse, the six units fashioned out of an office block in Prahran, go to auction.
Under the Nine Network’s OTT CIA-style cover, the results will be revealed on Sunday night at approximately the same time the new owners sober up and suddenly wonder what they were thinking.
· This homewares giant will change the way we live
· Property of the week: Inside The Block
· Front line: making a good first impression
This Block boasts the best renovations ever, which is saying something given it also boasts the sort of year-into-12-weeks reduced build time usually reserved for World Cup stadium construction, a form of creative cohesion seen only in the finest pre-school art shows and unrivalled views across the diesel petrol tank buried out the front – no fear, it’s full of sand now.
On the plus side, the golden rule for real estate is caveat emptor – let the buyer beware – and anyone who has been watching has been shown every possible issue, and many contrived ones, that would make anything but the most risk-seeking investor be wary.
Yet they will sell, almost certainly well above the generous (to the contestants) reserve prices that will be set.
And it will be watched, by those who find the concept of one more singing talent show just too much to bear and can handle the prattle of judges Neale Whitaker, Shaynna Blaze and Darren Palmer.
So who will win? Who will receive the highest margin on sale price above auction reserve?
There are five couples in the running – the sixth unit was finished in a fortnight so the network is unlikely to take the crown as vendor there.
Favourites: Maxine and Karstan
Odds: 3 – 3
Where to start with Max and Karstan? She’s an event planner and hasn’t she used those skills to play the game. Not only will they get a wedding on the cheap this weekend (what catering vendor wouldn’t jump at a chance to get a product placement alongside plumbing supplies?), they’ve locked in viewer sentiment in the process. That’s lucky, as otherwise they might be getting quite a few stern looks, after all they’ve brushed aside the findings of the high-drama, low-impact audit and then there’s the secret room. With good design, a good aspect and a good size, their apartment is likely to fetch the highest price, which means it could well come down to reserve. They’ve already knocked $15,000 off, can they do more?
Good chance: Darren and Deanne
Odds: 3.75 – 3.5
Dubbed Team “Double D” by a commentary that was determined to prove it wasn’t just the racism that was casual, the former AFL star and his sassy wife have approached the show as the career launching pad they wanted. While the producers tried to contrive rivalries with opponents, tradies and even judge Shaynna Blayze, they’ve just soldiered on, even overcoming the very real drama of having to rush to hospital to be with their child. Admirably they haven’t once tried to use that story for any kind of sympathy or advantage.
Their apartment has a good consistency, particularly if you like parquetry floors, and with the northerly aspect that they have used to full advantage – switching room arrangements and creating an extra internal balcony – they were already well placed before they knocked $20,000 off their reserve this week with more likely to fall away before auction.
Outsiders: Chris and Jenna
Odds: 6 – 6
For those old enough to remember Pete Smith and Copperart, Chris and Jenna have been a refreshing flashback at times, with their big copper wall in the master bedroom a polarising feature. Apparently Nine worry that a lot of their audience might have been shocked by Chris and Jenna’s non-caucasian appearance, so they were careful early on to explain their cultural backgrounds using useful percentages-of-origin graphics, leading to a few accusations of casual xenophobia. Those days are past though, as are the weeks when the couple were matching the judges’ standards. Since their perfect score main bathroom, they have been remorselessly hammered week-after-week by the terrible trio. With the largest apartment they will likely face the highest reserve.
Dark horse: Simon and Shannon
Odds: 4.25 – 4.5
The brothers from Sydney have been fond of pranks all series, often as they found themselves lacking a chore while the infrastructure went in around them. While their passion for coffee undid The Block pop-up shop, their even greater obsession for architecture will serve them well in the auction, as they have worked to use light and walls to create the best apartment, working on the radical assumption their potential buyers may already own furniture. Then again, they’ve also installed a massive wooden bathtub made by a guy who specialises in surfboards, so perhaps they’re after a niche Swedish surfer market. With $10,000 off their reserve already they will struggle for more after all sorts of issues finishing the sixth apartment’s roof terrace this week.
Midfield: Michael and Carlene
Odds: 4 – 4
About six weeks into the show – around about the time we worked out how to tell Michael and Carlene and Max and Karston apart – it became clear that the couple from the Gold Coast were going to put up the same type of artwork in nearly every room. If you like it, you’ll like their unit. If it looks like random splodges of pastels to you, then you probably weren’t shocked when Carlene used their child as a colour consultant this week. In terms of the unit there are no disasters: a few winning rooms – the outdoor spaces and their living room with exposed brick wall – balance a few slight concerns – the master bedroom is smallish. They haven’t knocked any money off their reserve yet and unless that changes, they’re unlikely to knock their opponents off the podium either.
The Block Glasshouse finale airs on Channel Nine this Sunday a 6:30pm.