For the first Hollywood red carpet of the year, stars brought their A-game. And their B. And D. Let’s work out who ranked where in the Golden Globes best and worst dressed stakes.

Jennifer Lopez chose the same color theme as the Australian Olympic team but was less fashionable than any Fletcher Jones A-line skirt. Her puffy Valentino gown, pointless bow and Maid in Manhattan plait … just wow.

Jennifer Lopez. Photo: Getty

Taylor Swift wore that dress you pack for a mid-range Vanuatu cruise in case you’re invited to sit at the captain’s table.

Taylor Swift. Photo: Getty

Margot Robbie’s Chanel glittery top and white skirt was the perfect meshing of simplicity with sparkle. Her hair is starting to verge on Heath Ledger’s in Two Hands.

Margot Robbie. Photo: Getty

Nicole Kidman did what she does best: A timeless structural sheath in a bold color with matching lip and shoe. Very 1990s perfume bottle.

Nicole Kidman. Photo: Getty

Naomi Watts was slinky but looked like she was passing a gall stone in a beautiful, classy and joyless dress.

Naomi Watts. Photo: Getty

Jodie Comer was divisive. I love it, but this trapeze dress falls into the ‘man repeller’ category – high fashion and modest, with perfect hair and jewellery and clashing fuschia sandals. I’m leaving my husband for you (he suggested it.)

Jodie Comer. Photo: Getty

Cate Blanchett always pushes the slightly unhinged envelope and this is classic her, with intricate empire line bodice, seashell sleeves and great platforms instead of those wispy sandals everyone else adores.

Cate Blanchett. Photo: Getty

At least Jennifer Aniston gave up her usual red carpet sheath for a more kicky exaggerated mermaid look. But the black, the strapless … same old, same old. Still, let’s have lunch and talk Brad.

Jennifer Aniston. Photo: Getty

Phoebe Waller-Bridge rocked a Ralph & Russo sparkly plaid suit that yelled ‘I am powerful and talented and very cool’.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Photo: Getty

Reese Witherspoon gave up her traditional girly thing and looked impeccable, with her slicked hair and womanly silhouette. Tick!

Reese Witherspoon. Photo: Getty

Awkwafina, in head to toe couture Dior, could have looked like the head waitress in a Paris restaurant but instead was sophisticated and kind of untouchable.

Awkwafina. Photo: Getty

Charlize Theron came as a Big Bash player. Super bad.

Charlize Theron. Photo: Getty

Speaking of, let’s just remember that Gwyneth Paltrow is a world famous arbiter of taste. Yes! In a mud brown genie ensemble with bared midriff, sheer-tiered skirt and big matching pants. Clearly lost a bet.

Gwyneth Paltrow. Photo: Getty

Renee Zellweger bored everyone during her acceptance speech but the lady knew how to dress her very toned arms in a no gimmicks, safe powder blue sheath and matching pump. I actually prefer Gwyneth.

Renee Zellweger. Photo: Getty

Cynthia Erivo was a lesson in why a smile is your best accessory. Plus her custom Thom Browne tuxedo dress (which took 800 hours to make) and $4 million worth of jewels was perfectly cut, fun and hot.

Cynthia Erivo. Photo: Getty

Little Women director Greta Gerwig went for severe hair, a choker (please say they’re back) and strapless sheath with glitzy side detailing.

Greta Gerwig. Photo: Getty

Head turner Joey King was a walking optical illusion, flagging she won’t be doing safe this awards season. One to watch.

Joey King. Photo: Getty

No wonder Gillian Anderson looked concerned: She’d jacked Blanchett’s hair and Witherspoon’s dress, just not quite as successfully.

Gillian Anderson. Photo: Getty

Zoey Deutch was the epitome of highly prepared effortless style. Adore.

Zoey Deutch. Photo: Getty

Oh, Dakota Fanning. Those childish puffy sleeves are hard to look at. Unflattering waistline. Colour that washes you out. This is so not good.

Dakota Fanning. Photo: Getty

“I’m a little bit of a mess, can you tell?” asked Globes debutante Ana de Armas in custom Ralph & Russo with “a little” Tiffany. Actually, no.

Ana de Armas. Photo: Getty

Kirsten Dunst’s pink lace was lovely and appropriate.

Kirsten Dunst. Photo: Getty

My dying wish will be to winch Sofia Vergara out of her beloved mermaid and into a short shift. She looks amazing but dress and bag are hideous.

Sofia Vergara. Photo: Getty

Saoirse Ronan was unfussed goals. Oh, those long ago braless days.

Saoirse Ronan. Photo: Getty

Yes, Olivia Colman. What I call ‘correct’ dressing. Superb.

Olivia Colman. Photo: Getty

Zoe Kravitz equals chic, especially in hard-to-do spots.

Zoe Kravitz. Photo: Getty

Rachel Weisz borrowed one of Aniston’s old frocks and looked good.

Rachel Weisz. Photo: Getty

Scarlett Johnasson was both Kidman Lite and Leading Lady Mandatory Train. Struggled.

Scarlett Johansson. Photo: Getty

Shailene Woodley looked fresh from a working holiday at Jupiters on the Gold Coast.

Shailene Woodley. Photo: Getty

Michelle Williams teamed her trademark morose expression with yet another wonderful, original dress.

Michelle Williams. Photo: Getty

Did Kerry Washington stay the right side of obviously sexy?

Kerry Washington. Photo: Getty

Isla Fisher was heaven, from colour to cut to insouciant attitude.

Isla Fisher. Photo: Getty

Sienna Miller had come straight from stand-up paddle boarding at Venice Beach. Intervention territory.

Sienna Miller. Photo: Getty

Laura Dern was on Isla’s team, making high glamour look laid back. It’s a skill.

Laura Dern. Photo: Getty

Kaitlyn Dever went bold. Most young stars stick with safe or flash the flesh but this nominee went statement with print and shape. Well done.

Kaitlyn Dever. Photo: Getty

Rooney Mara’s gothic costumey thing has cast me into such depression that if I wasn’t leaving my husband for Jodie Comer I would order him to mix a spirit-reviving cocktail.

Rooney Mara. Photo: Getty

Salma Hayek played to her strengths in bathers worn over a skirt that looked commissioned from a Bangkok tailor.

Salma Hayek. Photo: Getty

Billy Porter, if you want to keep doing head turning, do it well. The feathered cape is daggy.

Billy Porter.