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The Ferguson Report: Australian film criticised as ‘not sickeningly maudlin enough’

Comedian Tim Ferguson's take on the news of the week.

Comedian Tim Ferguson's take on the news of the week. Photo: TND

The Australian film cottage industry has created a third movie in the Misery Porn Trilogy: Snowtown, Nitram and now The Stranger – Return Of The Bleakness.

The film got a standing ovation at the Cannes Film Festival. Or maybe that was just traumatised people walking out.

The trilogy is paid for by Scream Australia, a government funding body without a head.

Australian film critics praised the film as “wonderfully unwatchable” and “so dark I thought they’d switched off the projector”.

“But I was disappointed to only throw up in my mouth,” said a critic.

“Normally, these bleak and pointless Aussie films make me park a tiger on the cinema seat.”

The family of the victim at the heart of the story begged that the film not be made. The industry calls this “controversy”.

The Stranger has been described as a “tightly wrought thriller”. Others described it as a “lightly thought-out downhiller”.

Writer/director Thomas M Wright said: “I felt I had no right to depict that child and no right to presume anything about what that family actually went through.”

So he made a film about it.

PUTIN A FINGER ON THE BUTTON

Russian President Vladimir Putin is under a cloud. It’s shaped like a mushroom.

Australia has branded Putin’s threats to use nuclear weapons as “unthinkable”. But they said the Titanic was unthinkable …

ABC MONEY, WELL, SPENT

Last week, the ABC sent 100 people to London to visit the Queen. Sadly, Her Majesty had passed away. But they stayed on the hunt for all the news that didn’t matter.

An ABC spokesocialist apologised for the huge expense.

“If only we’d known the funeral would be fully covered by BBC, CNN, SKY, SBS, Al Jazeera, Seven, Nine, Ten, Foxtel, Sunrise, Today Show and YouTube.”

AUSTRALIA NOT AT WAR WITH RUSSIA … MUCH

The Australian government claims we are not at war with Russia.

“Australia needs a nuclear war with Russia like we need a hole in the harbour.”

Luckily, Russia says it’s not at war anyway.

Defence Minister Richard Marles said: “We’ll send guns to Ukraine, as long as the Ukrainians supply the caps.”

He added: “Australian weapons may only be used for making the Labor government seem conservative.”

Australia is sending Ukraine army trucks – Bushmasters and the less-camouflaged Brazilianmasters.

In other news…

PRIME MINISTER BACK IN AUSTRALIA FOR BRIEF VISIT

TELSTRA BEATS CYBER ATTACK BY PUTTING HACKERS ON HOLD FOR 16 HOURS

QANTAS SHORT FLIGHTS TO RE-INSTATE VEGIE OPTION: PEANUTS

AFL CLUBS HORRIFIED BY RACISM AS SOON AS THE MEDIA FOUND OUT

AUSSIES STILL VERY SAD ABOUT QUEEN, WILL NEED MONDAY OFF TOO

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