GOVT IN THE BONK BIN

A Four Corners exposé has exposed politicians exposing themselves to exploitation.

Other politicians have been caught on film demanding more bang for their bonk.

A new riotous series in development at the ABC is ‘Ministers Behaving Badly’, a thigh-slapping/stroking comedy.

The pilot episode of the sitcomrollover features a government minister insisting marriage is between a man and a woman. Whereupon, another woman walks in and kicks him in the Midwinter Balls.

More ‘Carry-On Canberra’ shows include:
Fawlty Powers
Big Bang Actuality
How I Met Your Other Mother

USA VOTER TURNOUT BIGGEST PATHETIC EFFORT EVER

Sixty-seven percent of eligible Americans voted in the election, a record-breaking number described as “gigantic yet measly”.

An un/impressive number of voters elected President Elect Joe Biden. Mathematically speaking, most voters either voted against Biden or not at all.

This makes the US election algorithm: .33V / V ÷ T 1/2B = √USA Meaning “A third of voters subtracted from all the voters, divided by Trump and halved by Biden equals America is square rooted.”

It’s democracy inaction in action.

Meanwhile, Russia is far more democratic – the outcome is decided in advance and delivered with ruthless efficiency.

A pseudo-psephologist said, “In Australia, voting is compulsory. That’s why our politicians are the best! … No… wait…”

SENATE TO INVESTIGATE MEDIA BIAS IF THEY GET APPROVAL FROM RUPERT

Senators are taking former PM Kevin Rudd’s advice and conducting an inquiry into news media bias on the off-chance it exists.

The Coalition government was shocked at the suggestion the media is biased. It immediately went on Sky News for reassuring cuddles, kisses and Credlin. The Greens went on triple j for unbiased adoration. The ALP went on and on.

A government spokeswoman on a yacht reeled in shock on a fishhook.

“We let the media buy us, but don’t let media bias get by us.”

A Yes/No man from the PM’s office said, “The public should not be exposed to brainwashing by mainstream media, when it’s got Facebook, Twitter and Instagram doing a fine job already.”

Kevin Rudd is delighted to be back in the headlines of a biased media that seemed to have forgotten about him.

In other news …

• NATURAL MEDICINE ‘PEER REVIEW’ JUST REVIEWING BY PEERING
• MAN BITES DOGMA
• CAT WHO ATE THE CANARY BUSTED DUE TO LOOKING LIKE CAT WHO ATE THE CANARY
• CANBERRA BUBBLE BLOWN BEHIND NIGHTCLUB
• GOVERNMENT AT LOGGERHEADS WITH OTHER LOGGERHEADS

Tim Ferguson is a widely acclaimed comedian, writer, TV host, and a member of the Doug Anthony Allstars. You can follow him on Twitter at @RealTimFerguson