Nineteen women and one bloke: nabbing this year’s bachelor was never going to be an easy feat for the single ladies who signed up.

This year’s piece of meat, ahem, eligible bachelor is Sam Wood, a hunky personal trainer who works in kids’ fitness.

He seems like the perfect nice guy to obliviously break the hearts of several women for our entertainment.

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The third season of the series hit screens across the country on Wednesday night, with scandal-hungry fans salivating in anticipation of more memorable missteps.

Would there be another accidental proposal? A grown woman-sized tantrum? Please lord, bring us another dirty street pie!

Instead, the premiere episode delivered solid entertainment with a healthy serving of mild discomfort.

Aside from the obvious fact that women fighting against each other for the affections of one man goes against everything Taylor Swift stands for, it’s unnerving to watch real adults with careers throwing their dignity out the window.

The 19 women vying for Sam Wood’s attention.

What is it about us Aussies? We’re known for being laidback good sports, and yet you chuck a camera on us and we become loud-mouthed drongos (our politicians included).

While Laura, a bubbly vet from New South Wales, clearly has a bright future ahead of her, she may have just ruined it by discussing anal glands on national television.

Sam Wood, or ‘Bachie’ as he is affectionately known.

Oh, the discomfort. May it never cease.

Here are some of the painfully awkward highlights of episode one.

The anal glands

Bless you, Laura the vet. Sam asked you for your best animal story and you came straight out with the dog poo anecdote.

Fearless, Laura bumbled on despite her better judgement, recounting her intimate experiences washing the anal glands of dogs.

“You have to move or you’ll get covered” and “the smell is hideous” are both direct quotes from the conversation.

This girl better make it to at least the final three.

The butt photo

New South Wales resident Jacinda, 33, decided to stand out from the crowd by snapping an old-school Polaroid selfie with Sam that was really quite charming.

Alas, she followed it up by shoving the retro camera near the backside of the unsuspecting bachelor to grab a shot of his taut behind.

Poor bewildered Sam wasn’t quite sure how to take that move and was left standing alone to consider whether he felt smitten or violated.

Jacinda and her wandering camera.

The double kiss

While not quite as unfortunate a move as Miss Anal Glands, Victorian event manager Sarah’s decision to go in for a double-cheek kiss while Sam stuck to a single cheek was a social bungle we can all relate to.

Thankfully, Sam was astute enough to react quickly so as to avoid an awkward head bump but not before letting slip an uncomfortable “oh, double…”

If you didn’t cringe, you’re not human.

Sandra, in general

Clearly tasked by the producers with being the scandalous one, primary school teacher Sandra arrived as a bundle of faux enthusiasm.

Things began to get awkward when she forced Sam into giving her a convoluted high-five, and then it devolved from there.

The 27-year-old then proceeded to loudly accuse the other women of being boring when they refused to gossip about their competitors and then had the nerve to tell ‘Bachie’, “I’m quite shy”.

Sure you are.

Sandra (right) attempts to steal the spotlight from Jacinda.

The surprise child

Striking scientific sales rep Snezana from WA was cruising along fairly effortlessly until she decided to drop the bombshell that she was the proud mother of a daughter.

“That’s massive, why didn’t you mention that before?” Sam responded, barely containing his sheer terror.

To Sam’s credit, Snezana was one of the first women to receive a rose, guaranteeing her a spot in the next episode.

Honesty is the best policy.

The outfit change

Channel Ten teased this particular moment with the vigour of a network well aware costume changes make for excellent viewing.

Tessa, the laidback account manager from Victoria, decided she’d had enough of the restricting ball gown she was forced to wear, choosing to change into a jeans and a t-shirt instead.

If she didn’t make such a fanfare about it, maybe we would have believed she was as down-to-earth as she claimed.

Unfortunately, she just pulled a reverse Miss Congeniality on national television and we’re not quite sure we’re buying the easygoing act.

Tessa’s dressing down.

The elusive white rose

Host Osher Günsberg made a big song-and-dance about the “white rose”, a magical token that allows – GASP – the woman to plan a date of her choosing with Sam. How terribly 21st-century of them.

This honour went to 29-year-old filmmaker Heather, one of the few women who did not resort to blatant bitchiness or grand gestures to prove her affection.

Unsurprisingly, her selection was met with derision from a handful of the ladies, whose jealousy was about as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Heather scores the coveted white rose.

That’s all folks. It may not be as educational as a documentary, but The Bachelor is unabashed entertainment at its most shameless and Aussie audiences will continue to tune in.

This writer included.