Game of Thrones finale recap: Mother’s Mercy
WARNING: SPOILER ALERT
And you thought Ned Stark’s death was rough.
It was bound to happen, but that didn’t make Jon Snow’s slow, brutal death at the hands of his supposed friends any easier to watch.
• Game of Thrones recap: The Dance of Dragons
• Pay a visit to Game of Thrones’ Dorne in real life
So, is Jon Snow really dead? For good? In the books, there are a couple of tiny hints he may not be gone forever. There are also a host of pretty plausible fan theories about what’s next for him.
These include:
• Jon wargs into his direwolf Ghost.
• Jon, thanks to his rumoured Targaryen blood, is resurrected by fire when the men of the Night’s Watch inevitably burn his remains.
• Melisandre brings Jon back to life to help her on her endless quest for whatever it is she wants.
• Jon becomes a White Walker, teaming up with that creepy Night’s King to wreak havoc on the human world.
RIP, Jon Snow.
Unfortunately, no amount of speculation will return a concrete answer about Jon’s fate. For the time being, though, he’s definitely dead – according to Kit Harington, the actor behind the moody mug.
“I’ve been told I’m dead,” Harington told Entertainment Weekly.
“I’m dead. I’m not coming back next season. So that’s all I can tell you, really.”
But enough about that curly-haired hero of our hearts (*sob*) there are just as many major things happening away from The Wall…
King’s Landing
We all knew Cersei’s walk of shame was coming after producers went to epic lengths (a whopping US$200,000 in fact) to keep the filming of it under wraps all the way back in October 2014.
That all makes sense now, given the scale of her humiliation. This was the most vulnerable we’ve ever seen wisecracking Cersei and it was completely uncomfortable to watch.
Props to Lena Headey for tackling what might be the most awkward nude scene ever.
The High Sparrow may have intended to break Cersei with this walk of atonement, but we have a feeling it will only strengthen her resolve.
It helps too that she has a new sidekick – that hulking, bloody-eyed monstrosity Qyburn introduced to her? Yeah, that was the resurrected Mountain.
Just in case King’s Landing wasn’t messed up enough already.
Cersei Lannister’s walk of shame was one of the most difficult scenes to watch.
Dorne
If Cersei thought she’d hit rock bottom while walking completely nude through the streets while a bunch of prostitutes and teenage boys pelted her with faeces and screamed “whore” at her, she’d better think again.
She’s now two kids down, one to go.
What is with this show and father/child bonding moments foreshadowing disaster? Jaime finally gets accepted by his illegitimate daughter, only to see her die from poisoning right in front of him.
It was pretty obvious Ellaria Sand was never going to get over Oberyn’s death, nor was she ever going to take it lying down.
That weird prolonged farewell kiss of death made it fairly obvious she had some kind of plan, we just didn’t expect it to be enacted quite so soon.
It’s a shame too, because Myrcella Baratheon was quite a compelling character with a lot of potential for growth.
More compelling at least than those darn Sand Snakes, who are becoming weird, sexually-charged parodies of themselves.
Seriously – that “bad pussy” line? C’mon!
Braavos
Well, that escalated quickly.
After months of endless floor-mopping, Arya’s plot line in Braavos got a lot more exciting. Too exciting, one might say.
We knew she wasn’t ready to let go of her identity just yet, no matter how good she was getting at playing the game of faces. Watching her slowly murder Meryn Trant gave us a sick sense of pride, but we didn’t get to enjoy it for long.
Jaqen H’ghar wasn’t too pleased with her for killing without permission (stealing from the Many-Faced God, as he calls it) and so, in return, he made her blind. Seems fair.
Knowing Arya, she will learn to adapt to this new condition and make it work for her, but it won’t be easy.
Honestly, the number one cause of death and/or injury in Westeros? Being born a Stark.
Arya Stark (centre) isn’t so good at playing the game of faces.
Winterfell
Speaking of, is one of the few remaining Starks finally getting her way?
Thanks to a reinvigorated Theon – who gets serious brownie points for shoving that godawful Myranda off a building – our favourite redhead just might get a bit of a break from Ramsay’s sadistic ways.
No thanks to Brienne, might we add, who was meant to be watching the damn tower for a candle and instead bailed to kill Stannis. While it’s unclear whether she actually got the job done, we’re hoping she did. Stannis doesn’t need to live on with no family or allies.
Is Theon finally pulling himself together to save Sansa?
Meereen
If there’s anywhere in the seven kingdoms you’d want to be right now, it’s Meereen.
Sure, there are some fairly messed up sub-sects of society who insist on fighting each other at public events, but right now the leadership team is spot on.
Missandei, Grey Worm, Varys and Tyrion have been left in charge while Jorah and Daario track down their queen.
Wine, cuddles and gossip for everyone!
However, will they be any match for an army of wild Dothraki?
We’re not sure how Daenerys is feeling right now but it’s getting really “throwback Thursday” up in here. We half expected to see Khal Drogo come over that hill, throw his missus over his shoulder and ride off.
So what does the return of the Dothraki mean?
Well, either Dany will be forcefully reclaimed by her old family, Drogon will fly down and singe everyone’s skin off or Dany might just get herself yet another loyal army.
Want to know the answer? You’ll have to wait a year to find out – that’s all folks!
Let’s reconvene back here in April 2016 after some fairly intense therapy sessions.
For now, we’re signing off season five with this gif of Gendry who, for all we know, is still out there rowing around. Spare a thought for him.
Gendry is still out there somewhere. We think.